The Music of 2011

 -  in which artists catch grenades, there are rumours that Mick Jagger sold his soul and we’re advised not to buy Simon Cowell Christmas presents.

I have a theory: if Adele and Bruno Mars were to be allowed to procreate (providing Adele could get over her ex) I reckon it’d bring about the birth of a bi-polar, musical Anti-Christ. The child, in turn, would eventually start penning songs that would catapult listeners from happy to melancholy in a split second, thus giving us whip lash. Slowly but surely, we’d become a nation of emotionally handicapped, sorrow-craving junkies who all wore neck braces.  

So no-one has really dug up any musical gems this year, have they? I mean, it was indeed a good year for some genres. A lot of good electronic music has emerged - Calvin Harris has blasted out a couple of decent tracks - and there has been a few good pop and hip-hop numbers, such as Katy Perry’s Firework and Kanye West’s All of the Lights. But, let’s not lie, over all it’s been pretty bleak.

So, I’ve decided to make a list of artists and songs that made my 2011 that little-bit extra shit.

Adele –  21 (seconds in and I’m reaching for a knife.)

Adele, of course, can always be relied on to dampen your mood. By the end of her album, you’ll be edging  a knife slowly towards your wrists – though that’s not because of her lack of talent, it’s just because she shows us  how hurtful a broken heart can be...track, after track, after track.

Rebecca Black – Friday (this is what happens when rich parents cave into their daughter's whim.)

‘Friday’ is one of the worst songs to slither out of this year’s untalented musical womb. The song was viewed by more than 167 million people.  What’s more impressive is the 3 million ‘dislikes’ it received. You know when you see a horrific accident and slow down to sadistically admire it? Well, that’s the same as listening to Rebecca Black’s debut. Society has always had a fascination with the morbid, this song proves it. That said, Black did donate a hell of a lot of the proceeds to charity, which, having been forced to listen to the song an obscene amount of times, makes me feel good about myself – I suffered so a charity could prevail.  

Maroon 5 – Moves Like Jagger (is Maroon the plural of moron?)

This single is positively nauseating and, no matter how great your efforts are, it haunts you from dusk till slumber. I’ve not heard anything this arrogant since the cast of Glee beheaded Don’t Stop Believing.  I know Mick Jagger has made some mistakes in his career, but for the sake of his humanity and soul I pray he didn’t give this band of idiots his blessing. 

Rihanna  - Talk That Talk (though, I wish you’d stop.)

Rihanna should be congratulated on three things: 

1) Mastering the art of auto-tuning your way through the composition of an entire album.

2) Overcoming the temporary amnesia she suffered early this year – you know, when she kept forgetting her name?

3) Being one step away from pleasuring her marital parts on stage.

Bruno Mars – Doo-wops and Hooligans (Eh?)

After plaguing us with so many awful singles, I harbour nothing but disdain and loathing for this man. “Turn on the TV, throw my hands down my pants” - go speak to Rihanna, she’s into that sort of thing. And whilst you two are conversing about how to further ruin the music industry, I’ll launch a grenade at her – let’s see if you’re all talk, Bruno.

I was glad, however, to see that the X-Factor took its typical nonchalant approach to ‘finding the next big thing from the UK’, whilst honouring their annual tradition of ritually sacrificing a once respected song for the ‘good’ of the Pop World.

 I won’t lie; I get carried away with the X-Factor live shows every year. During said shows, my Twitter and Facebook are bombarded with running commentary on what’s happening. I forcefully thrust my opinion on unsuspecting members, telling them that if they disagree with me, I’ll hunt them down with the fury of a scorned lover, remove their ears with a blunt Stanley knife and feed them  to the contestants on next year’s ‘I’m a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here’ – told you I get carried away.

 However, we were in for a special treat this year. The show’s producers obviously realised that the public were growing weary of Cheryl Cole’s lacrimal gland disorder, which caused her to frequently erupt into tears, and Simon’s ‘it’s not good enough; it’s never good enough. Don’t even bother getting me a Christmas present this year, I’ll likely hate it’ attitude. 

With this in mind, they decide to present us with a new “generation” of judges – though they kept Louis Walsh; I suspect partly because he’s a loose cannon that may blow at any time and that, well, he has that cute, granddad-like quality about him. The line up were: Gary Barlow, who never ceased to impress us with his perfect beard; Kelly Rowland, who whole-heartily embraced the stereotype and Tulisa, who has since been flaunting her new found wealth on Twitter. “What car should I buy, peasants?” 

The winner this year was a girl group – which, shock horror, was an X-Factor first. Little Mix, or as I like to call them Toad and the Frogettes, croaked their way to the final where, with the help of Simon’s record label, they proceeded to brutally murder Damien Rice’s 'Cannonball' in cold blood.

As I said earlier, no real musical gems have been discovered this year; we won’t be adding anything to the treasure trove of priceless songs. Don’t fret though; we get to do it all again next year. Yay.

The Lost Generation

You wake up in a drunken stupor, the taste of last night’s alcohol still on your breath. Frantically you scan the room, trying to get a bearing of where you are. Eventually you accept defeated: not even Google maps can save you. Moments later, flashes from the previous night begin to appear in your memory: God, I drank too much. How much money did I spend? I can’t believe I got kicked out that club. That was an interesting threesome I had with those two Europeans I only just met last night. Man, I better go home and sleep this off. Thank God I don’t have a job – working with this hangover would be brutal.

Despite their lack of jobs, most Scottish youngsters still find funds to go out on a bender every weekend. They stroll down the street with their flashy smart phones, trendy attire and 50 pound haircuts - being broke never looked so good. All they have to do to finance next Friday’s binge is go into the Job Centre, make-up a few job searches, attend a five minute interview and sign a bit of paper. Why the hell would you want to work? This seems pretty peachy.

“I see a lot of 18 to 24-year-olds come in here and blatantly lie about searching for jobs. Half the time they don’t even go on our website and copy down jobs that are actually there; I think they just make them up.” Fiona is an advisor at a Job Centre in Dundee, “Part of my job is conducting a short interview with the person claiming Job Seekers, then I search jobs with them and check that they’ve been looking.” She believes that there are youths out there who really do want jobs, but the large majority simply can’t be bothered working. “I think a lot of it is family dependent. If you have an older brother or sister, or maybe a parent, who has been unemployed for a long time, then that can quite often have a negative effect. ‘They aren’t working, why should I?’ attitude. Quite frankly I find it frustrating. Having a job gives you a sense of purpose and helps you pay your way. Young people don’t think the jobs being offered are good enough for them, they want to start at the top.”

It won’t be news to anybody that we’re currently nursing a fragile economy; there aren’t enough jobs at the moment as no-one can afford to take on more staff but sometimes a lack of job comes from a lack of trying – either that or Argos have adopted a military style recruitment training programme and none of us are meeting their requirements.

However, it isn’t just the lack of employment that is worrying about today’s youth; it’s their behaviour. It’s not that they embark on riotous rampages - smashing shop windows, setting fire to cars, sticking cats up trees and so forth – but over the last decade, Scotland’s youth culture has become a lot more drink orientated. It’s not the alcohol itself that’s the problem more the amount of it consumed. You can try telling them off, but they’ll just look at their shoes and snort because you’re old and dull and they hate you.

Any Friday, you’re guaranteed to see swarms of drunken folk zigzagging all over the place. Young folk are out to have a good time which, by popular definition, means getting absurdly drunk – the NHS calls this binge drinking, they call it fun.  On a typical day, the recommended amount of alcohol for a man to drink is 3-4 units (equivalent to a pint and a half of beer) and for woman it’s 2-3 units (equivalent to a 175 ml glass of wine). The problem isn’t that they exceed this limit, but rather that they do it on such a regular basis.

Around 40% of patients under the age of 25 are admitted because of alcohol-related incidents. This ‘loads or none, never have one’ attitude affects other areas too. Binge drinking commonly leads to violent, aggressive and anti-social behaviour. 50% of street crimes are drink induced, as well as 30% of sexual offences and 33% of burglaries, most of which are committed by persons aged between 16 to 24.

Another issue, albeit less serious and slightly amusing, with youth is the way they dress, especially girls. The majority of shops have a vast selection of skimpy attire on sale – some more than others – and many girls buy into this as it helps their self-esteem (highlights their ‘assets’, if you will.) The reason for this behaviour, they also believe it makes them appear older. If you dress promiscuously and pile on the war paint, then you have more chance of looking over 18 which means, shockingly, they can get into pubs and clubs.

Guys aren’t much different, the majority of male youths are vain, self-obsessed and sex driven. Looking good will get you the girl – sad, but true. In the grand scheme of things though, what they wear isn’t really hurting anybody. It’s more a means to an end.

So, is that all the youth have to offer? A bunch of unemployed, binge drinking, sex-craving, lazy (except when trying to get lucky, of course) good-for-nothings? No. Not all of them anyway. There is a mass of untapped potential out there, yet the fact is a lot of them won’t get their chance to shine as the opportunity isn’t available to them. The Scottish government has announced its plans to tackle youth unemployment by working with some of Scotland’s largest employers. The government plan to create 25,000 modern apprenticeships for youths, which is definitely a step in the right direction.

However, the drinking and the lack of motivation is an issue and sadly it isn’t one that will fix itself. Our generation isn’t lost –just misguided.

“What do I have to do for people to listen?” - Jamey Rodemeyer.

In September Jamey Rodemeyer, a 14-year-old boy from New York, took his own life as a result of continuous homophobic taunts from three fellow students. Jamey received comments and abuse about his weight and sexual orientation at school and online. And he is the latest in a string of suicides by teenagers, abused or ridiculed because of their sexuality.

So, I’ve heard that society is slowly progressing; that we are becoming a lot more accepting of people’s sexual-orientation. I also heard Santa was real. Confirm?

The number of people afraid to come out, for fear of being hated or prejudiced against, is sickening in today’s society.  It seems that for every equal right the LGBT community gains, there are several hate crimes and tragedies accompanying it; the recent homophobic murder of Stuart Walker, a man from Ayrshire, only proves that.

What about Fifa’s announcement that they’re to hold the 2022 World Cup in Qatar, a state where homosexuality is illegal and punishable by up to five years in prison or lashes. Why should the World Cup be held in any country that abuses and disregards the most basic of human rights? When Fifa President, Sepp Blatter, was asked about this he said “I think they should just refrain from any sexual activities” and proceeded to give a little laugh. The fact that Blatter thought there was something to laugh about only lends weight to the theory that ignorance is still rife everywhere.

Even today’s politics is still plagued by homophobia.  In Russia, Prime Minister Putin, backed by President Medvedev, is currently trying to pass a discriminatory legislation against gay, lesbian, bi and transgender people. This legislation could see the rights of these people vanish. If the law is passed, it will silence the LGBT community; stopping any person being allowed to publicly voice anything to do with their orientation, as well as forbidding them from publishing a book or article relating to it. These men are in positions of authority; they shouldn’t be using this power to further bigotry, but rather to educe positive change.

Now, look me in the eye and tell me homophobia is dead?

I know I go on about this a lot; and I’m aware some people may see my reaction to hate crimes and even small, backhanded remarks I am sometimes subjected to as over the top. But are they really over the top? Are you so naive that you think the world will heal itself?  Is wanting to help people, wanting them to see that suicide is not the way out, such a bad thing?  It only takes one person to start a movement. Imagine what millions could do.

After hearing about Jamey’s suicide Lady Gaga said this: “Bullying must become illegal. It is a hate crime. The past days I've spent reflecting, crying, and yelling. I have so much anger. It is hard to feel love when cruelty takes someone's life.”

Nothing will change if people continue to be indifferent to homophobia; simply saying “that’s a tragedy, isn’t it?” will not alter the fact that hatred still has hold over the world.  Stand up, speak up, make a change.

GAY Pride - One Step Forward, Two Skips Back.

The streets are full of people sporting outlandish, colourful clothing. They stand fairy-like on top of eccentric and flamboyant floats. Effeminate middle-aged men, that are mostly out-of-shape, defiantly wear over-the-top leather clothing that would make even Lady Gaga and Rihanna squirm. Men in platinum blonde wigs zigzag across the streets; black and silver sequined tops sparkle and glimmer in the light. And six-foot tall queens wave regally at passersby. Welcome to Gay Pride 2011!
Thanks for that, guys. You just set the whole thing back about 15 years.

When Gay Pride marches first started flying their rainbow flag they had one agenda: to promote awareness about the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgender) community. It was a public demonstration that hoped to create acceptance and tolerance; to help people understand what they were scared of and to give gay people the same rights as straight people. Homosexuality was originally considered a mental illness, and the point of these marches was to lift that stigma. Now it just seems to be an excuse for men to wear drag, get drunk and stagger around the streets wearing stilettos that are at least three sizes too small for them.

When I was coming to terms with my sexuality, around the ages 11 or 12, the only information I got about being gay came from the television; notably footage of the Pride parades on the news. I knew that I liked boys, but I didn’t have the urge to dress like that. I didn’t want to paint my room every colour of the rainbow. I thought Liza “with a Z” was some pissed off English teacher. I played with toy guns and action men, not a feather boa and my mother’s make-up. I am in no way saying I’m not in touch with my feminine side, not at all. But this stereotype that I see parading around on my TV screen makes me wants to commit a hate crime, so imagine how the homophobes feel.

I am no fool; I know that society still has further to travel up the yellow brick to the accepting Land of Oz, but does Pride really help? No, I don’t think it does. Each to their own, that’s what my Gran told me. And rightly so; be who you are but be logical about it.

Gays still have a long way to go until we’re considered properly equal and accepted. So why do we indulge in these Pride marches that only detract from our cause? All they do is promote annoyance from those who are opposed or apathetic to us. I’m not ashamed of being gay, but my sexuality isn’t my defining quality, so I see no reason why thousands of people choose to use it as their identifier. Be proud of who you are, not what you are. The marches aren’t helping to break the gay stereotype; they’re waving it in the world’s face. I’m tired of seeing my sexual orientation used as a merchandising gimmick.

Chris Gen

Evanescence Album Review

Evanescence - Evanescence
Chris Gen

It’s been a rocky-road for Evanescence since their solid debut with Fallen in 2003. There’s a turbulent history of band members fighting, leaving and then returning over the years, but one thing is for certain: the quality of the music has never wavered. Their 2003 debut ended up selling over 6 million copies worldwide and their 2006 album, The Open Door, though not as successful in the mainstream, is still a critical masterpiece. Now, five years later, the band returns and though physically they do not resemble the 2003 line up, their sound is still as epic as ever, a credit to the driving force of roaring lead vocalist Amy Lee.

Their third self-titled album recently hit the stores, and though at first it doesn’t wow its audience, after a few listens fans will be hooked. Although the songs aren’t as commercial as previous tracks (Bring Me to Life, My Immortal, Call Me When you’re Sober) the album does contain a couple of soon-to-be radio gems, which, without a doubt, will leave fans satisfied. The debut single from the album is called What You Want and it is without a doubt the most commercial sounding track on the album. Had the song been released in 2005-06, it would have been a top 20 hit, but due to ever changing nature of the industry it failed to peak the top 40.

With electronic drum beats, heavy guitars and catchy riffs combined with Lee’s now more powerful vocals and infectious melodies, the album holds a lot of promise for those who will give it a listen. Made of Stone, a song Lee penned a couple of years ago, is typical Evanescence: rage driven guitars paired with Lee’s blunt as ever lyrics “It’s never enough for you, baby” pull you into the chorus. This is followed by two heavier songs, The Change and My Heart Is Broken (the band’s second single) and they seem sure to be fan favourites.

“The Other Side”, the fifth track on the album, has a lot more attitude than anything the band has previously released. Lee sings about the death of her younger sibling in this song, a theme consistent through-out their albums, but in a way fans haven’t heard before. The song has an almost R’n’B flow to the verse and unlike similar themed songs, doesn’t come from a place of sadness.

 Stealing the album is Lost in Paradise, a pop gem that could see Evanescence make it back to the mainstream.  Lee’s sultry vocals infuse “Paradise” with a sense of longing. The song is written about being lost at a time when her life seemed to be perfect; in the song Lee almost apologies for feeling as she does.  It starts as a beautiful ballad that ends up with the full band involved. Even a sceptic couldn’t fault this track.

The final track Never Go Back, a song-written about the Japan Earthquake tragedy - an event that really impacted the band. The track is clearly a band favourite and rounds off the album well.

The album is a great effort and sets the bar high. For fans of the previous albums, it will definitely provide the fix needed after the five year sabbatical. The band is currently on their world tour, which has seen almost every venue sold it. Despite the new line up, the band are tight and clearly just as popular as they were in 2003.