Following the recent announcement
that Pope Benedict is resigning, theories are beginning to pile up as to why he
has decided to hang up his mitre and hand over the keys to the Popemobile.
Well, this is truly a monumental
event; one I suspect will likely pull a Harry Houdini in the Church’s history
books. This resignation has left flocks of Catholics puzzled, whilst the rest
of us, for we are a cynical bunch, have unleashed a catalogue of ‘reasons why.’
The official reasons cited by
Benedict stated that his resignation was due to ill health and therefore his
ability to his job was compromised. Although, and call me cynical, the whole
thing smells slightly off to me. The church has been battered with allocations
of childish abuse and corruption as well as a banquet of other blunders. After cleaning up a constantly growing mess, is
it any wonder Benny’s health has taken a turn for the worse? If I had to deal
with as much indiscretions and accusations as his holiness does, I’d be booking
an appointment with Dr. God and pleading for a sick note.
Perhaps this decision was some form
of deal? Resign and ‘we’ shall grant you immunity and you will avoid
prosecution; but prosecution from whom? There are multiple enemies frantically
battering at the Vatican’s door; it really was only a matter of time before one
of them broke through.
There is still a mass amount of
irked woman that are sick of the Church’s chauvinism. The not-so-subtle
shuffling of abusive priests around Germany, or as I like to call it ‘hide the
peado.’ The child abuse victims in the
USA whose complaints were somewhat overlooked. Perhaps members of the church have grown tired
of the restriction, rules and beliefs they’re obligated to live-by. “No
condoms”, “Accidental pregnancy? Tough, keep your baby!” “And where were you on
Sunday?”
Maybe it’s none of the above;
perhaps Benedict’s age, or the Easter Bunny, has finally started gnawing away
at his sanity. Wouldn't it be somewhat hilarious if his resignation was forced
after he professed his belief in equality, fairies and Father Christmas? Whilst
insisting that Tuesday would be a better Holy day.
Any the end of the day though this
entire event is likely to have a horrid aftermath, one that’ll linger unwanted
for months yet, out of respect, everyone will pretend to care – much like a bad
tasting red wine that a relative gives you whilst visiting; you swirl it around
your mouth, praying from the strength not to gag, and only swallow it out of
politeness.
I wonder who will be next to fill
the Vatican’s top job? Perhaps they should talk to their advertising and ask PR
to conjure up a new campaign, turn this whole event into some elaborate reality
TV show: ‘The Vatican’s Next Top Pope.’
Contestants are given a colossal scandal to clean up, one that the public has
seen time and time again, whilst battling the ticking hands of a clock that has
God’s increasingly displeased looking face
plastered on it. Now that would help disperse the theories.
Whatever the outcome, I bet we
shall still see the Pope-signal in the murky, cloudy sky next time a bleak set
of events causes the Catholic Church trips over its own shoe laces.
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